Two Frogs and a Pail of Buttermilk

“Once upon a time two frogs fell into a large pail of buttermilk. Frantically thrashing about in fear of dying, the frogs climbed on each other, splashed furiously, and did whatever they could to stay afloat. As they grew tired and weary and their fear of drowning grew, they thrashed about more desperately. As the frogs approached exhaustion, they ceased struggling and prepared for the worst. Only then did they realize what their terrified minds never saw: All their seemingly futile and frustrating struggles had started turning the buttermilk into butter. Their random efforts were creating a platform on which they could float.

The frogs saw new purpose to their struggles, and renewed their efforts with determination and collaboration. They kicked with less angst and paddled with greater ease. Eventually their efforts allowed them to rise above the milk. What once threatened their very existence became a resource for survival.”

- From Resurrecting Sex by David Schnarch

I love this story because it suggests that even in our darkest hour we may not be that far from deliverance.

It’s amazing how quickly things can change after a good night’s sleep, a subtle reframe, or a small act of kindness.

What I like even more is that the frogs have, unbeknownst to them, already been working at the very thing that eludes them. They just need to chill out enough to see the beneficial effect of their actions. And the same actions continued with more ease and grace are easier to sustain and can have an even greater effect, until redemption is at hand.

I notice something similar with clients who are doing a lot to heal, but their efforts don’t touch sides. They are often trapped in a despairing narrative and can’t see the good things that are already unfolding. Thankfully, if they just continue to show up, their inner work compounds and an inflection point is reached. A foundation is meshed into place like a scab forming on a wound. As this happens, self-care activities become more joyful and nourishing and inner work accelerates. Before long, despair flips to hope.

John O' Donohue once said that our unconscious is already working on the next phase of our life. The ego will get the details later.

Until then, keep showing up.