When the Body says No

“When you can’t say no, the body says no.”

- Gabor Mate

There’s a lot to be said for being like water, flowing around obstacles, adapting the self, and becoming ever more ingenious.

Highly sensitive people and empaths are usually experts at this.

And they are usualy rookies at setting boundaries and taking up space.

Unfortunately, all this people-pleasing is taxing on the body. Weak boundaries inevitably lead to overwhelm, burnout, exhaustion, pain, health issues, collapse, and withdrawal.

It is really in no one’s interest for you to burn out like this.

As the saying goes

You have to have a “no” for your “yes” to mean anything.

So, how do we change the situation?

My approach is always to work from the inside-out.

When you feel yourself, you value your Self.

By connecting somatically and raising the Self energy in your nervous system, you are more in touch with when your boundaries are violated and more able to say “no.” You are also more able to create distance with people who can’t respect your “no.”

The rub is that it is painful to say “no.” You have to learn to tolerate that pain.

It is worth this short-term pain, because it reduces the long term suffering of being in an unbalanced relationship or job.

What is great, is that as you say “no” more and more, it gets easier and easier. People start to expect it and they ask less of you. Other people fill in, life moves forward, and you realize it is not as big a deal as you thought.

The environment rebalances and moves closer toward reciprocity and harmony.

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In Summary:

Not having a “no” and trying to heal is like growing a garden without a fence. No bueno.

Having a “no” provides a membrane for your system. It protects your vulnerable parts and allows you to heal. Your body can stop acting as the last line of defense.

Over time, you become more and more valuable to those around you.