Queer Imposter Syndrome and What To Do About it
Common Signs of Queer Imposter Syndrome
Feeling “not queer enough” or like an outsider in the LGBTQIA+ community
Seeking external validation or approval from others to affirm your queer identity
Experiencing thoughts that you shouldn’t claim space in the LGBTQIA+ community
Low self-esteem and a negative self-image
Suffering and chronic tension as a form of identity
Fear of rejection or judgement
Gender dysphoria or body dysmorphia
Comparing yourself to LGBTQIA+ stereotypes
Excessive rumination about or over-attaching to a specific label
Minimizing or hiding your identity in certain social situations or environments
Did you know that feeling “not queer enough” is an extremely common experience for individuals in the LGBTQIA+ community?
What Exactly is Queer Imposter Syndrome?
Queer imposter syndrome refers to feelings of inadequacy, self-doubt, or a sense of not belonging experienced by LGBTQIA+ individuals in relation to the LGBTQIA+ community. It is similar to traditional imposter syndrome but is specifically related to one's identity as a queer person. Queer imposter syndrome is primarily about whether or not someone will be viewed or perceived as “queer enough” to be a part of the LGBTQIA+ community. This results in fear of rejection and concerns about being accepted by others, low self-esteem and other symptoms associated with regular imposter syndrome.
How Can I Heal My Queer Imposter Syndrome?
Connecting with other LGBTQIA+ folks—it is important to stay connected to your community in one way or another. Avoid the urge to distance yourself and find small ways to feel connected to your community.
Work with an LGBTQIA+ aligned therapist—We all need a safe and trusted person in our lives who sees us and accepts us for who we are, without judgement. If you are feeling like you aren’t queer enough, it could be beneficial to explore those feelings that are coming up with someone who has lived experience or is closely allied to the LGBTQIA+ community.
Practice self-affirming mantras during times of self-doubt—Mantras are short affirmations you can repeat to yourself that can provide comfort and grounding. Some examples of mantras include:
o I am the only me o
o My queerness is beautiful, valid, and worth of celebration o
o I am courageous for living authentically and embracing my true self o
o I am worthy of belonging and finding my place within the LGBTQIA+ community o
o I am proud of who I am and I embrace my unique identity o
o Only I know my true self and inner world o
Practice mindfulness & somatic tools—Imposter syndrome is at it’s core an issue of disconnection and disembodiment. The more you can drop into your body and your full presence, the more you will feel your personal power and your right to express your true identity. Breathing exercises and guided meditations can be a simple way to reconnect your nervous system.
Embrace identity exploration—Despite the pressure we feel from society, you don’t’ have to have all of the answers. Try out what feels most authentic to you. Nothing has to permanent and not everything will feel like the right fit. Allow yourself the freedom to explore in order to discover your truest desires and interests.
Remember that there is no queer timeline that you have to follow—Realizing your queerness happens at all different ages and stages of life. Regardless of where you are, nothing makes your identity “less valid.” You don’t have to come out to anyone to be queer enough or confident in your queer identity. Be kind to yourself and give yourself permission to do what feels best for you in the moment. Your queer identity may be more subtle and nuanced than the stereotypes you see portrayed.
Celebrate your queerness—Although it should not be overlooked, suffering is not the whole queer experience. In fact, it’s PRIDE MONTH!! Share what you can with safe and trusted loved ones, and find ways to honor how beautiful your queerness is.
“There will not be a magic day when we wake up and it’s now okay to express ourselves publicly. We make that day by doing things publicly until it’s simply the way things are.” – Tammy Baldwin
You can check out our post on the somatic, or body-based, underpinnings of regular imposter syndrome here.
Start Your Healing Journey Today
At Beyond we offer affirmative therapy for LGBTQIA+ folx and anyone exploring their sexual orientation or gender identity or alternative forms of relationship (ENM, poly, etc).
Contact us today. We have a diverse group of therapists who can provide therapy in Los Angeles, California, Colorado and Utah and online coaching around the world.
We would be happy to answer your questions and support you as you take your first steps toward a more vibrant life that expresses who you really are.
This post was written by Lyndsay Mclaren, an LGBTQIA+ identified Licensed Psychotherapist at Beyond Psychology Center (LPCC# #11036). Lyndsay sees clients in person in Santa Monica, California and online.